What Does the Bible Say
What Does the Bible Say About Dating?
The Bible never mentions dating. No verse says 'thou shalt swipe right.' The concept didn't exist in the ancient world — marriages were arranged, and romantic courtship looked nothing like what we do now. But that doesn't mean Scripture has nothing to say. The principles are everywhere: how to choose a partner, what to value, where to draw boundaries, and when to walk away. Here's what the Bible actually teaches about navigating relationships.
Date someone who's heading the same direction you are. Shared faith isn't a nice-to-have checkbox. It's the yoke that makes the work of life possible together. Different foundations crack under pressure.
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14 · BSB
Paul's metaphor comes from agriculture — yoking two different animals together makes both of them miserable and the work impossible. He's talking about deep partnerships, and dating with marriage potential is exactly that. This isn't about superiority. It's about direction. Two people heading in fundamentally different spiritual directions will eventually tear each other apart. Shared faith isn't a preference. It's the foundation everything else gets built on.
Guarding your heart doesn't mean never risking it. It means being intentional about who gets access. Not everyone who's interested deserves the keys to your deepest self. Let trust be earned, not assumed.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”
Proverbs 4:23 · BSB
Solomon understood that the heart — your emotions, desires, and affections — drives everything else. 'Guard' doesn't mean 'lock away.' It means protect, tend, watch over. In dating, your heart is vulnerable. You're letting someone close to the thing that drives your whole life. Guarding it means being honest about red flags, maintaining boundaries, and not giving emotional access to someone who hasn't earned it.
Paul's advice on sexual boundaries is one word: flee. Not 'set careful guidelines and test them.' Run the other direction. Boundaries work best when they're far from the edge, not teetering on it.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18 · ESV
Paul says 'flee' — not 'manage,' not 'flirt with the line,' not 'see how close you can get.' Run. He wrote this to Corinth, a city where sexual permissiveness was the norm. The reasoning isn't shame-based. It's practical: sexual sin uniquely affects your own body. In dating, sexual boundaries aren't about purity culture performance. They're about protecting yourself and the other person from a bond you're not ready to sustain.
Read this list and hold your relationship up to it. Not as a weapon. As a mirror. Is the person you're with patient? Kind? Not keeping score? And the harder question: are you? This is the standard. It's supposed to be uncomfortable.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 · BSB
Paul's love description is the best dating filter ever written. Every quality here is testable. Is this person patient with you? Kind when it costs them something? Not keeping score? Not self-seeking? If the person you're dating fails most of this list, the relationship isn't love — it's infatuation, convenience, or fear of being alone. Use this passage as an evaluation tool, not just a wedding reading.
Attraction matters. But if it's all you've got, you've got a depreciating asset. Character rooted in faith is the only thing that compounds over time. Date for who someone is becoming, not just who they are on a Friday night.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30 · BSB
This comes at the end of the Proverbs 31 description of an excellent woman. Solomon's mother gives him dating advice, essentially: don't be fooled by charm or looks. They fade. What lasts is character rooted in reverence for God. This applies in both directions — men and women. The person who looks amazing at 25 but has no depth will look different at 45. Character compounds. Charm depreciates.
You are the worst judge of your own relationship. That's not an insult — it's neuroscience. Get people around you who love you enough to tell you the truth. If everyone close to you has concerns, listen. Your feelings are not reliable data right now.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Proverbs 15:22 · BSB
Solomon observed a pattern: solo decisions fail. Counseled decisions succeed. In dating, this means you need trusted people who know you and can see what you can't. Infatuation is a documented neurological state that literally impairs judgment. You need people who love you enough to say 'I see a problem' when your brain is flooded with dopamine and you can't see anything clearly.
The person you date will shape who you become. That's not romantic idealism — it's cause and effect. Choose someone whose wisdom you want to absorb. If dating them is making you worse, that's all the information you need.
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Proverbs 13:20 · BSB
Your closest companion shapes who you become. In dating, this is exponentially true. The person you spend the most time with influences your values, habits, priorities, and trajectory. If they're wise, you grow. If they're foolish, you suffer harm. 'Companion of fools' doesn't mean they're stupid. It means they make poor decisions and drag you into the consequences.
Chemistry starts things. Love sustains them. If your relationship has chemistry but not compassion, kindness, or patience, it's missing the binding agent. Love isn't the feeling that starts a relationship. It's the choice that holds it together.
“Above all else, clothe yourselves with love, which is the bond of perfect unity.”
Colossians 3:14 · BSB
Paul tells the Colossians to put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience — and then tops the list with love. It's the binding agent that holds everything together. In dating, attraction gets you in the door. Common interests keep conversation going. But love — the verb, the choice, the daily commitment — is what creates lasting unity. Without it, everything else unravels.
Not every season is a dating season. Sometimes you need to heal first. Sometimes you need to grow first. Sometimes you're ready and the right person hasn't appeared yet. Trust the timing. Desperation makes terrible decisions.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 · BSB
Solomon's famous reflection on timing applies directly to dating. There's a season for singleness and a season for relationship. Rushing into dating because you're lonely isn't timing — it's panic. Avoiding dating because you're afraid isn't wisdom — it's hiding. Discernment means recognizing what season you're in and making decisions appropriate to it.
Stop trying to force it. Love has a pace, and rushing it doesn't make it deeper — it makes it fragile. If it's real, it can handle patience. If it can't handle patience, it's not what you think it is.
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”
Song of Solomon 8:4 · ESV
Three times in Song of Solomon, this warning appears. Don't force love before its time. The Hebrew is emphatic — an oath. Don't artificially accelerate emotional or physical intimacy. Let love develop at its natural pace. This counters the modern pressure to define relationships immediately, move in quickly, or escalate before trust has been established.
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A Prayer About Dating
God, dating is confusing. The world says one thing, the church says another, and sometimes I can't tell which voice is Yours. Give me clarity. Help me value character over attraction, depth over excitement, and Your direction over my impatience. If I'm not ready, show me. If I'm avoiding it out of fear, push me. Guard my heart without locking it away. Surround me with people honest enough to tell me what I don't want to hear. And if You're preparing someone for me, prepare me for them too. In Jesus' name, amen.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does the Bible say anything about dating?
The Bible doesn't mention dating directly — the concept didn't exist in the ancient world. But the principles are clear: choose someone who shares your faith (2 Corinthians 6:14), value character over appearance (Proverbs 31:30), guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23), maintain sexual boundaries (1 Corinthians 6:18), and seek counsel from trusted people (Proverbs 15:22).
Is it a sin to date a non-Christian?
2 Corinthians 6:14 warns against being 'unequally yoked with unbelievers.' While it doesn't say the word 'sin,' it clearly advises against deep partnerships where the two people have fundamentally different spiritual foundations. Shared faith affects every major decision — finances, parenting, conflict resolution, priorities. The practical wisdom is clear even if you debate the theological category.
How do you know if someone is right for you?
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 gives you a checklist: are they patient, kind, not self-seeking, not easily angered? Proverbs 31:30 says character outlasts charm. Proverbs 13:20 says your closest companion shapes who you become. And Proverbs 15:22 says get counsel — ask people who love you what they see. If the person makes you more like Christ, that's a strong signal.
What boundaries should Christians have in dating?
1 Corinthians 6:18 says flee sexual immorality — not manage it, flee it. Proverbs 4:23 says guard your heart. Song of Solomon 8:4 says don't awaken love before its time. Practically, this means setting physical boundaries before you need them, protecting emotional intimacy from moving faster than commitment, and keeping trusted friends involved in the process.
How long should a Christian date before marriage?
The Bible doesn't give a timeline. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says there's a time for everything. The principle is readiness, not duration. Some couples are ready in a year. Others need longer. The questions that matter: Do you know this person's character under pressure? Have you seen them fail and recover? Do the people who love you affirm the relationship? If yes, the timeline is between you and God.